Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
