I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
