i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
