We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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