I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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