alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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