People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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