I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
