I accidentally burped into my bong.
sarcasm needs its own font
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
