My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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