why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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