Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
