i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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