you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
