One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
