i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
