If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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