my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
