Got a toothbrush?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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