omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
