this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
