you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
