highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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