I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
