Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
