I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
