I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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