im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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