So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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