I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
