I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
