it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
