I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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