Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This house was built for laser tag.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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