woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
