actually, I'm a sock model
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
