i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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