I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
