and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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