This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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