Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This toilet bowl is my home.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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