where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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