you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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