They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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