So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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