Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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