I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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