Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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