If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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