im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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