Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
